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Coronavirus Special Edition

In response to the pandemic panic sweeping the nation and the world, this week I present to you the Coronavirus Special Edition. Read on for advice on surviving the coronapocalypse, and don’t forget: cover up your cough and sneeze, don’t spit!

Everyone is in a dither hoarding toilet paper, Lysol, and bottled water (? for some reason?) so that they can survive coronavirus, but here is the number one tip for actually preventing it in the first place:

WASH YOUR D#MN HANDS

Hand sanitizer is great and all, but it doesn’t substitute for washing your hands. The best way to do it:

  • Warm running water
  • Get those hands nice and soapy
  • Make your mother proud
  • Wash for 20 seconds
  • Rinse and dry on clean towel

Now the whole washing for 20 seconds is a bit annoying, not gonna lie. But it’s the best guarantee that you’ll kill off all those nasty coronavirus germs (as well as any flu, pneumonia, and other viruses and infections—added bonus!)

The typical recommendation for making sure you wash for 20 seconds is to sing the Happy Birthday song twice, but let’s be real: unless it’s actually someone’s birthday, that song is kinda annoying. Personally I recommend setting a timer for 20 seconds to see how much of your favorite song fits into 20 seconds, and then use that. I’ve found that a couple rounds of “What Shall We Do With a Drunken Sailor” works for me.

No pandemic survival advice on this blog would be complete without media suggestions, so if you’re looking for something to while away the long hours in your nuclear fallout shelter, may I suggest:

Recommended reading:Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton
Recommended viewing:iZombie
Meal suggestion:Sea Rations
Drink suggestion:Vodka, straight

Cheers!

Published inNonfiction

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